THE UNIVERSAL SCHOOL OF SELF
Not to belabor the point but this is my story and it’s the only one I have. I was born to drug addicted parents, sent to abusive foster parents, absorbed into a live-in drug rehabilitation facility that became a cult, set off across America for disarmament and social justice became homeless, joined the Army, got kicked out of the Army, was angry, incited a riot, got put in jail, and from my prison cell heard a still small voice that said. “This time it will be a revolution in consciousness.”
That moment was the axis by which my whole life shifted. You see up until that crisis point, life had been creating me. I received outside stimulus from an unjust world, absorbed it all, through my mind emotions, and senses, and spit it back out. This created an ego, a sense of myself that was rooted in what had happened to me and how I had reacted to it. It was not good. My life was on a trajectory for self-destruction. It was a type of unconscious suicide. The world was a cold, cruel, and horrible place and I really didn’t want to be here.
But then in search of this “revolution of consciousness,” I walked down the stairs into an underground basement dojo. There, I became aware of myself as the consciousness from which I had witnessed my life and came to believe in myself as an abandoned, abused, rebellious, man-child. But the consciousness itself was pure, simply aware, it was the source from which I had created myself, but it, itself, had no self. My teacher said, “Become nothing, and then you’ll really become something.” This message was the antithesis of everything I had learned from society, who said, “Become something, or then you’ll really become nothing”. All of this is a fancy philosophical way of saying I realized that from the seat of pure consciousness I could be whoever I wanted to be. I couldn’t escape my story, but I could write a new one.
From this newly discovered place of pure awareness, I began recreating myself from the inside out. This was a long process of insight healing and transformation. But now instead of life creating me, I began creating my life. Somewhere along the line I realized that my true self was the “consciousness” and everything else was a play that emerged from it. Some people when they realize that life is a play, drop out, sit on a mountain and grow their hair and fingernails long. They hold a mirror in their lap, so when anyone asks them the meaning of life they just hold it up. Lol! They don’t want to answer any questions, just “being” is enough for them. But when I discovered that life was just a play, I decided to come back and play!
I understood now as an adult that Cinderella song I had heard as a boy and it’s words, “In my own little corner, in my own little world, I can be whoever I want to be.” What a world it would be if the whole world knew this!
I have to say that this revolution, evolution, and awakening to consciousness as the central point of all reality has allowed me to find peace in a world that is still in constant turmoil, conflict, and war. From the center of your heart where consciousness arises, there is love, wisdom, and creative power. I never believed in God. I simply became aware that my individual consciousness sprung from an even greater Consciousness. And this all-encompassing creative Conscious Being, being aware, said “Hello little one. Welcome to my Universe.” Well, not exactly those words but you get the idea. The good news is, we are in relationship now. My higher power flows through my higher self which flows into my individual self. I have been on a journey from Neenser (Baby name), to Robbie, to Bob, to Bobby, to Rob, to Robert, to Sifu, to Si Bok, to Si Gong, to Bob Guys, to Mr. Girl Power, back to Si Gong. Who am I then? A work in progress who is discovering myself through all of these evolving characters. All to better understand myself, humanity, creation, and God (The Universal Great One). Ultimately, I know who I am, by awakening to myself as an extension of the even greater I Am.
I have discovered that the source of all consciousness, all creation, and my individual consciousness are in reality all One. Thus the way I show up to the world is not a reaction to how the world is at the moment but a response to what emanates from the inner world, I have found.We can let the world create us or we can create the world. It all begins with you. Who are you? Why are you here? What will you do? How will you live? Usually, we say we don’t have time to think about these existential questions, only now with varying degrees of lockdown, we do. The answers that arise from these existential questions may be the key to our continued existence.